Happy New Year!

2012

Wow! I can't quite believe it.

This was my facebook status this morning: (I figured it sums things up quite well so am posting it here too!)

This time last year I wrote a list of hopes, dreams and resolutions for 2011. Never in a million years did I expect any of them to happen yet here we are 12 months later looking through the list. 

I kept my no-alcohol resolution and didn't drink at all in 2011; the healthy eating/menu planning was partially achieved (and much more successful than I thought!); I joined a musical theatre group and made some wonderful friends; our wish for a miracle came true; my family are on their way to becoming happier and have remained healthy.

So I have high hopes that 2012 will be the best yet and above all I aim to be thankful for miracles, big and small, and appreciative of every single moment for this year. I feel incredibly lucky. I have only one wish for 2012: to have a healthy baby, my 2011 miracle. At the same time, I hope that all my family and friends' hopes and dreams come true this year.

My one resolution? Not to sweat the small stuff!

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And I do feel incredibly lucky.  Not everyone who was on our path gets this far.  It's hard to put into words and, again, I do feel like no one, unless they've been there themselves, could possibly understand how we are feeling. 

I was really looking forward to Christmas this year. Last year was incredibly hard. It was a year since I'd lost my mum, our first proper Christmas without her. It was very hard.  Even more so when you are around people who just don't understand (no matter how hard they try in some cases). This year was different. I was struggling to eat my Christmas dinner not because of sadness and grief but because the tiny baby in my tummy was squashing my tummy and giving me heartburn! Does that mean it was an easy Christmas? Actually, no.  I found it tough, but tough in different ways to last year.  Of course, my mum wasn't there and she never will be. But there were other things I found hard. 

We woke up at home and had lovely Christmas morning cuddles with the cat and opened our presents to each other and the cat (who loved hers!) in our pyjamas.  Between us we bought  an HD video camcorder ready to capture all the moments that we never want to forget with Stanley or Lucy.  We bought the baby some stories: Hairy Maclairy, Guess How Much I Love You, and We're Going on a Bear Hunt.  Mr Waiting read Stanley/Lucy Hairy Maclairy on Christmas night. I also got Mr Waiting a back brush (he is very itchy and this helps him reach!) and I got baby Waiting a baby hair brush to match! 

We then had our traditional breakfast of pancakes after which we dressed and went to my dad's for present opening and lunch. I think this is when I started to feel a little stressed! I guess I had expectations that it would be an amazing, happy Christmas but I became a bit anxious.  We opened presents and I got some lovely gifts. Christmas lunch was at 12:30 on the dot and it was lovely but I felt it was over too fast! 

In the afternoon everyone else went to sleep and I was left squidged up on the sofa while everyone snored! I started to prepare the buffet which ran into people arriving.  Then it got manic with loads of family there and I ended up sitting on the floor (which I paid for on Boxing Day by not being able to walk!!).  It was all a bit much for me really. It was just too crowded; a present fest without being able to thank people properly and it made me panic for next year when we'll have a baby among all of that too! 

A few days later we went up to Scotland to visit the in-laws. Again, this was lovely in many ways but just too crowded (for my anxiety-ridden self) and too warm.  Mr Waiting also struggled with it, perhaps more so than me, and it means that we are already thinking about our plans for next year. 

So, on to New Year's Eve. We had a lovely evening last night with friends from our Musical Theatre Group.  We even stayed out til 4:30am, which for us is unheard of! And certainly won't be happening next year! And today we were at Grandma's for New Year's dinner - another usual tradition that may be getting knocked on the head next year (though they were discussing fitting a highchair in somewhere...!). 

As for the pregnancy, I have been ok. Achey, tired and heartburny but generally ok.  Anxiety-wise, I've had a couple of episodes (worrying about things) and frequent palpitations but I do feel better knowing that I am going to deal with it through my counselling.  The one thing that's getting to me at the moment is going back to school on Tuesday.  Though I will be on countdown... 28 working days left until Maternity Leave. 

We are getting on with the nursery and have chosen a few more bits and pieces but it still looks the same.  The carpet is getting fitted and some of the furniture delivered this week though (I am so excited to be able to put things in there!).  We are also going pram shopping with dad on Saturday and I am so so excited. Who'd have ever have thought it - us, choosing a pram!!

So it's all coming together! I will try and do a more detailed update with bump pictures soon. 

Happy New Year! I really hope 2012 is a good one for all of us, and hopefully the best year of my and Mr Waiting's life so far.