This last week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Last Friday, the day after I last posted, I had a tiny amount of red spotting. It really was minute - the size of a freckle. But it freaked me out and I went into a frenzy. I couldn't stop panicking. I was also suffering from mild cramping. I rang the maternity assessment unit and they booked me in for a scan on the Monday, three days away. I still couldn't stop panicking and so in the evening after lots of tears and no appetite we decided to book a private scan for the next afternoon.
We went to the business park in Stockton and pulled up nervously to the building. We went in and sat in a small waiting area. Shortly afterwards a couple came out and the woman was heavily pregnant and they were talking about their little girl and their 4D scan. I felt awful. I just wanted them to stop talking as I was so worried we'd never get there.
Eventually we went in and there was a large plasma screen pointing towards the bed. I closed my eyes because I felt like I didn't want to know just yet if it was bad news. However, I quickly had a peek and saw something big on the screen which made me think there WAS a baby in there. Soon enough the sonographer said "You better open your eyes if you want to see your baby!". I already had my eyes open and there it was on the screen. Amazing. Unbelievably amazing. I asked if it's heart was beating as I couldn't see it. But she pointed it out. A pea-sized flickering on the screen. I expected the heart to be bigger as last time it was as big as half of the body but obviously the baby has grown lots! Baby stretched and arched its back and then rolled over away from the camera. It was amazing.
The sonographer took lots of pictures for us and family and friends. It was amazing. Afterwards we were on cloud nine. We went shopping and bought the baby Each Peach Pear Plum as it was my favourite book as a child. Later on Mr Waiting read the story to my tummy (even though baby doesn't yet have ears that can hear!). It's so amazing. We are actually having a baby.
We kept the scan to ourselves until I told some people on Sunday. It was nice just for us to know, for once, that everything was ok. Our little secret. Our little baby. He/she measured 5.05cm and 11 weeks 5 days. It looks like he/she is sucking their thumb!
On Monday we went for our hospital scan. We didn't really dare say that we'd already seen the baby. She quickly showed our baby, the heart beating. She saw him (we don't like calling him 'it') move his arm but otherwise he was asleep. She tried to get me to wake him up by shaking my hips but he wasn't having any of it! We went back to work for the first training day and it was time to go public! Gradually we told a few people and it was lovely. I was wearing a tighter top and I got a few knowing looks from people and it was so lovely not to have to hide away!
Tuesday was the first day back in school for the kids. I deliberately wore baggy clothes as I didn't feel ready to tell them yet. Despite this I overhead some of my form group whispering and I am pretty sure that they were speculating on my tummy as it is quite rounded nowadays compared to previously. School has been really hard work. On Tuesday night I went to bed early and was aching all over. I am clearly not up to standing up for so long after ten weeks off!
Thursday came, my day off this year. I had to go to the hospital for my official 12 week scan and Nuchal Translucency test for Down's Syndrome. I went alone as Mr Waiting had already seen baby this week and we thought it best that he didn't ask for time off for work again. The scan was delayed a little and I was the only person in the waiting room that was alone! When I went into the scan room it was very quick before I saw baby again. And he is sooo cute! He measured 12 weeks 4 days and measured 62mm! When I first saw him he was upside down! Then he moved and he didn't stop! He kicked his umbilical cord out of the way and I saw it ripple. I also saw the pulse of my heartbeat pumping blood through the umbilical cord. The sonographer said that my placenta (which is at the back) has taken over now and I am out of the danger zone and into the safe zone. It really was a wonderful thing to see. I also saw baby from the front and his little skull - it was a little bit scary looking though!
I still can't believe this. I am going to be a mummy. I never thought it would happen but it is and it's amazing and surreal all at the same time. A miracle. I pinch myself every ten minutes and am always realising and having bouts of excitement. The panic has mostly gone and I am relieved. I still have my moments but for the most part I am relaxed and happy. I never thought I would be! I think it's come from it being public knowledge and having announced it publicly, and on facebook too - it makes it seem all the more real. Yesterday I bought some maternity jeans and they are soo comfy! I envisage that I will live in them!
On Friday at work some students asked Mr Waiting if I am pregnant and he said "yes" so now I am going to tell my form group on Monday before they find out off others. I am really nervous about telling them - I am going to be leaving before they do and after five years that will be hard!
Six months ago we had our IVF information session at the hospital. Six months to go. My due date it the 21st March 2012.
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