Over half way now!

I am currently 21 weeks and 5 days pregnant! 54% cooked! We reached a milestone on the 8th November.  It was 134 days since Stanley or Lucy was made in the petri dish and there were 134 days to go until baby's due date. We are well over half way now!

On the 2nd of November we had our 20 week scan.  I was very nervous beforehand, though not as nervous as for the 8 and 11 week scans that we had.  I was also desperate for the toilet as we had got stuck in traffic and were a bit late so our appointment was shifted backwards a bit!

The scan was an amazing experience.  Once we knew that everything was ok we were so happy to just sit (lay!) and stare at our baby, our Stanley or our Lucy.  No, we didn't find out which it is! We almost caved in to temptation on the drive to the hospital but we managed to hold out and not find out.  I am thinking that baby is a girl now but I really have no idea why!

The scan was beautiful.  Baby yawned three times and it was the cutest little yawn that I have ever seen.  We saw fingers, toes, everything.  And it all measured perfectly.  His or her little femurs were only 3cm long - that is so unbelievably small and cute! The baby moved constantly and kept getting out of position for the sonographer.

After the scan we went and had breakfast in the hospital cafe before going back to work. I really didn't want to go back afterwards!

Here is my 20 week bump photo:

Facts about baby at 20 weeks:

• About 26cm long from crown to heel
• Swallowing amniotic fluid
• Covered in white vernix - a waxy substance protecting baby's skin 
• Baby now weighs about 11 oz

21 week bump shot: 

This last week has been a bit difficult.  Children in the school where I teach have been diagnosed with slapped cheek and as I don't know if I am immune to it I am having my blood tested.  Whilst this is happening the hospital midwives have advised that I stay away from school.  I thought that the results would be back today but they are not going to be ready for a couple of days now apparently.  Whilst I can relish this bonus time off, it's actually really stressful.  I am concerned I am not immune and have caught the virus for one thing.  Another thing is that work is a very stressful time at the moment and I need to be there to do my job.  But, the bottom line is that my baby is more important and really precious, perhaps extra precious because he/she is an ICSI Pixie.  So, until we know my immunity I am stuck away from school, trying to do some work.  I did also make a start on clearing the nursery room today.  

This weekend we also made an excitingly large purchase: our nursery furniture.  This is what we have gone for.  The cot is a cot-bed so will last until the baby is a toddler.  I love it.  We wanted white and the baskets are so useful, particularly underneath the changing table.  We will get the change mat to match at a later stage.  We have sheets and blankets already and Mr Waiting's mum is making us some curtains and bunting to go around the room.  Things really are progressing! 

At the same time I struggle to accept that this is real, that this is actually happening to us.  I am scared quite often.  When the baby doesn't kick for a while it worries me a lot and I am constantly worried and wanting to get to the next stage.  This time it is 24 weeks, or viability.  That is only just over two weeks away.  I can't imagine getting bigger even though I am every day.  I can't imagine giving birth and holding my slimy, sloppy baby in my arms, crying tears of joy.  I feel like I am wishing away my pregnancy in many ways, wanting to get to 'safer' points, being all too aware that things can go wrong.  I shouldn't be wishing away my pregnancy - it may be the only one I ever experience.  However, I actually feel very strongly at the moment that it won't be my last.  I am worried it might be but at the same time I can't see us just accepting it and feel like we will try again in future, both naturally and assisted.  I just hope everything goes well and we are blessed with a healthy, happy baby at the end of all this.

I am forever in awe at my body changing, at the movement I feel.  I try to imagine little feet and hands making those prods but it is so hard! I am excited and nervous all at the same time.  I cannot believe that this is happening to me still.  We are so lucky to be able to experience this.  It is a shame that others don't necessarily realise how lucky they are in experiencing pregnancy.  There are so many people out there who long for it, who haven't yet been lucky.  I'm sure many take it for granted.  

In some ways it is nice to be treated as a 'normal' pregnant woman.  But in other ways I feel like I am 'special' , that we should be treated as such.  As for my family, well, we definitely fall into the special category.  My sister is so excited (although I'm sure a little jealous now actually!), my dad is so happy and will be an amazing grandad, Grandma has been knitting away and presents have already been bought for the baby by my cousin. It is so lovely and special and my whole family are involved in ways I never thought possible.  Dad is buying us a pram, grandma a cot (or other things since we have the cot!), and mum's cousin the moses basket.  People want to be a part of this baby's life and that is amazing.  I feel so lucky to have these people around us.  It is a shame that there are those who I thought would rally round but instead have been distant.  I say I thought that they would, I think that deep down I knew that they wouldn't, which is sad.  But, I have to concentrate on the baby, on the family that are around us all, are just as interested and excited as us and who love and care for us all endlessly.  

Tomorrow would've been my Grandad Peter's birthday.  He'd have been 85.  He died in 2008.  It makes me sad that he isn't around (like mum) to see all of the amazing things that are happening. I know he would've spoiled the baby and us rotten, and would have ruffled its hair and said "You're loved aren't ya?".  We are thinking of calling Stanley 'Stanley Peter' after him.  The only slight issue is that Stanley and Peter both have two syllables, as does our surname, which may make it sound a bit awkward.  For Lucy we are thinking, Evelyn, Emilia, Matilda - with Matilda being Mr Waiting's favourite. But there are loads of lovely names out there to choose from! Thankfully we still have lots of time and have already decided our baby's first name, whether it be a boy or a girl! 

Hopefully I won't leave it as long before my next update! 22 weeks on Wednesday, time is flying in some ways and going so so slowly in others.  128 days to go!

12 weeks

Yes! We have made it to twelve weeks!

This last week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions.  Last Friday, the day after I last posted, I had a tiny amount of red spotting.  It really was minute - the size of a freckle.  But it freaked me out and I went into a frenzy.  I couldn't stop panicking.  I was also suffering from mild cramping.  I rang the maternity assessment unit and they booked me in for a scan on the Monday, three days away.  I still couldn't stop panicking and so in the evening after lots of tears and no appetite we decided to book a private scan for the next afternoon.

We went to the business park in Stockton and pulled up nervously to the building.  We went in and sat in a small waiting area.  Shortly afterwards a couple came out and the woman was heavily pregnant and they were talking about their little girl and their 4D scan.  I felt awful. I just wanted them to stop talking as I was so worried we'd never get there.

Eventually we went in and there was a large plasma screen pointing towards the bed.  I closed my eyes because I felt like I didn't want to know just yet if it was bad news.  However, I quickly had a peek and saw something big on the screen which made me think there WAS a baby in there.  Soon enough the sonographer said "You better open your eyes if you want to see your baby!".  I already had my eyes open and there it was on the screen.  Amazing.  Unbelievably amazing.  I asked if it's heart was beating as I couldn't see it.  But she pointed it out. A pea-sized flickering on the screen.  I expected the heart to be bigger as last time it was as big as half of the body but obviously the baby has grown lots! Baby stretched and arched its back and then rolled over away from the camera.  It was amazing.

The sonographer took lots of pictures for us and family and friends. It was amazing.  Afterwards we were on cloud nine.  We went shopping and bought the baby Each Peach Pear Plum as it was my favourite book as a child.  Later on Mr Waiting read the story to my tummy (even though  baby doesn't yet have ears that can hear!).  It's so amazing.  We are actually having a baby.

We kept the scan to ourselves until I told some people on Sunday.  It was nice just for us to know, for once, that everything was ok. Our little secret.  Our little baby.  He/she measured 5.05cm and 11 weeks 5 days.  It looks like he/she is sucking their thumb!

On Monday we went for our hospital scan.  We didn't really dare say that we'd already seen the baby.  She quickly showed our baby, the heart beating.  She saw him (we don't like calling him 'it') move his arm but otherwise he was asleep.  She tried to get me to wake  him up by shaking my hips but he wasn't having any of it! We went back to work for the first training day and it was time to go public! Gradually we told a few people and it was lovely.  I was wearing a tighter top and I got a few knowing looks from people and it was so lovely not to have to hide away!

Tuesday was the first day back in school for the kids.  I deliberately wore baggy clothes as I didn't feel ready to tell them yet.  Despite this I overhead some of my form group whispering and I am pretty sure that they were speculating on my tummy as it is quite rounded nowadays compared to previously.  School has been really hard work.  On Tuesday night I went to bed early and was aching all over.  I am clearly not up to standing up for so long after ten weeks off!

Thursday came, my day off this year.  I had to go to the hospital for my official 12 week scan and Nuchal Translucency test for Down's Syndrome.  I went alone as Mr Waiting had already seen baby this week and we thought it best that he didn't ask for time off for work again. The scan was delayed a little and I was the only person in the waiting room that was alone! When I went into the scan room it was very quick before I saw baby again.  And he is sooo cute! He measured 12 weeks 4 days and measured 62mm! When I first saw him he was upside down! Then he moved and he didn't stop! He kicked his umbilical cord out of the way and I saw it ripple.  I also saw the pulse of my heartbeat pumping blood through the umbilical cord.  The sonographer said that my placenta (which is at the back) has taken over now and I am out of the danger zone and into the safe zone. It really was a wonderful thing to see.  I also saw baby from the front and his little skull - it was a little bit scary looking though!

I still can't believe this.  I am going to be a mummy.  I never thought it would happen but it is and it's amazing and surreal all at the same time.  A miracle.  I pinch myself every ten minutes and am always realising and having bouts of excitement.  The panic has mostly gone and I am relieved.  I still have my moments but for the most part I am relaxed and happy.  I never thought I would be! I think it's come from it being public knowledge and having announced it publicly, and on facebook too - it makes it seem all the more real. Yesterday I bought some maternity jeans and they are soo comfy! I envisage that I will live in them!

On Friday at work some students asked Mr Waiting if I am pregnant and he said "yes" so now I am going to tell my form group on Monday before they find out off others.  I am really nervous about telling them - I am going to be leaving before they do and after five years that will be hard!

Six months ago we had our IVF information session at the hospital.  Six months to go.  My due date it the 21st March 2012.  

Less than a week until the 12 week milestone!

 So today I'm somewhere over 11 weeks! It is amazing that I've got this far as I could never imagine being in double figures, never mind being close to the famous 12 weeks.  Not that I'll rest mentally after that I think... maybe I'll have a small sigh of relief after the scan but I don't expect the anxiety to suddenly disappear.

The bump hasn't grown much but I will add 10 week and 11 week pictures anyway just so that you can see progress.

10 weeks

11 weeks

So as you can see there isn't really any growth but I don't expect to have a proper bump for a fair few weeks yet.  Indeed if I'm following a regular pregnancy then my uterus won't be popping out until week 12 when it should be able to be felt in my tummy pushing past my pubic bone.

Symptoms this week:

• Really bad headaches. Bordering on my migraine experiences.  I've had to buy cooling pads, 4head roll on stuff and a cool ice pack.  I have taken paracetamol and it did seem to actually do something this morning so this is progress.  And it triggered off some sickness this morning.
• A bit of nausea at times... and retching!
• Smells. *gags* I seriously cannot stand some. 
• Today, mild cramping ... which is quite worrying.
• Copious amounts of cervical mucus (hereby shorten to CM!) in varying shades...
• Um, the beard is back and is mostly on my NECK.  This is not good. 

Good things this week: 

• Seeing my lovely sister after 5 weeks away! 
• Finding out I have another bump buddy - a friend who is a week behind
• Reaching 11 weeks, of course!
• Going into school to get some things sorted - feel better for the start of the year on Monday.
• Seeing some work people on GCSE results day
• The GCSE results that my kids got - I am so proud of them (and quietly chuffed with myself).

Bad things this week: 

• The headaches - monopolising most things!
• People gossiping.  My boss at work has told someone else about the pregnancy (I found out by being congratulated by the other person!).  To make matters worse I hadn't even told my boss myself, someone else had let slip! To make it even worse, she was discussing my pregnancy with colleagues to decide about my maternity leave of all things.  I was only 10 weeks and by no means out of the woods and as such I was very very angry and upset.  However, I fail to put this forward in confrontational situations and ended up feeling like I was over-reacting.  In my opinion, it doesn't matter that "other people know" about the pregnancy, it's my prerogative to tell people should I wish to, not the right of others!

How is baby doing this week? 

How big is that? I'm impressed that it is fitting inside me with no bump! Ok, I know I have a 'bump' but it's definitely bloat/fat as it's far too squidgy to have a baby in and frequently pops back in at times!

"The growth of your baby is phenomenal now and your baby's length will double in the next three weeks. The head is grossly out of proportion and is almost half of the baby's length. 

You are almost at the end of your first trimester and while changes continue to occur quickly in your baby, they are happening at a slower rate in you. Your uterus has been growing with the fetus inside of it and is now almost big enough to fill your pelvis. Your uterus may be able to be felt in your lower abdomen, above the middle of your pubic bone. You are not able to feel the baby moving inside of you at this time. You might also be noticing changes in your hair, fingernails, or skin around this time. Some women notice an increase in hair growth and nail growth during pregnancy and others lose small amounts of hair. You are burning up calories at a faster rate than you did before you became pregnant! The amount of blood being pumped around your body will increase and you might feel warmer than usual. 

Meet Stanley or Lucy!

This is our little foetus... no longer an embryo! That's because I'm almost 8 weeks gestation.  By online calculators I was 8 weeks on the 8th of the 8th, the date of our scan but the hospital have always said my due date is the 22nd March for now, so three days later.  Sure enough when they did the scan I was told the baby is measured at 7+5, so I am 7 weeks 6 days today.

The picture is a little blurred but you can clearly see the yolk sac in the middle like a little speech bubble.  The baby's head is on the right and you can see it's little hands and feet which are just little buds. She showed us the beating heart and it was so fast! The baby  measures 13.7 mm long! So just the side of a kidney bean really!

How amazing! We can't believe it.



Yesterday started off horrifically. We were so nervous.  We both said that it's the most nervous that we've ever been, wedding day included.  Mr Waiting was up and about at 4am.  I tossed and turned until 6:30am.  Once up I had a few retching moments, probably caused by nerves rather than pregnancy sickness! We set off at 8:30am and arrived with plenty of time for our 9:20 appointment.  However, there was a half hour wait when we got there and the room was full of pregnant women with their maternity notes blue bags (I so can't wait to get one) and big bumps.  I had to drink 2 pints of water before my appointment so at this point I was desperate for the toilet!

Eventually my name was called.  I lay on the bed, shaking a bit.  She asked how many embryos we had had put back and was very surprised that they only let me have one put back.  Mr Waiting held my hand (he later said that the amount I squeezed it was actually quite painful!).  He was looking at the screen while I was busy trying not to hyperventilate.  She put the cold gel on my tummy and searched around, pressing quite hard, which made me need a wee even more.  It went really quiet for a while, probably no longer than thirty seconds but it felt like hours.  In the meantime I was studying Mr Waiting's face. He looked anxious.  It looked to me like he couldn't see anything there, that there was nothing.  I tried to look and she said "Just a minute, then I'll show you".  After she said that I was relieved, I knew it was ok.

A few seconds later she turned the screen round and showed us the baby.  She said it was measuring under 8 weeks so she couldn't date the pregnancy yet and that would get done at my 12 week scan.  I asked if there was a heartbeat and she zoomed in and you could see the little thing (taking up most of baby!) beating so so fast. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen and although I didn't actually cry, my voice went and I was so emotional.  I think after that point I talked incessantly and kept complaining about needing a wee!

We went out of the scan room and Mr Waiting went to get a token for the photo (£4!!).  Meanwhile I went to the toilet, desperate for a wee.  Did that, then promptly threw up - due to relief I think! The relief was immense but the anxiety took a while to wane.

Afterwards we had to take the scan report with all the measurements (and the line "viable interuterine pregnancy!) up to the department of reproductive medicine.  We were taken to a little room but the nurse just basically said "that's it! You'll hear from us after you've had your baby and we'd appreciate it if you could let us know some details like the name, weight, sex, etc.".  It would be an absolute pleasure doing so.  So we are officially discharged from the fertility clinic! How amazing! A year ago we didn't even know that we needed to go there yet (we found out at the end of August/September) and now look! We are well on our way to becoming parents, of having the baby we've only dreamt of until now.

After the scan we went into town, mightily relieved and texting the photo to many people who had been waiting for news (and worrying in the case of my dad, due to the delay!).  We went for brunch as we hadn't eaten since the night before and talked baby non-stop, occasionally letting out a big intake of breath that had been held there for hours, weeks, years?

I got some 'fat' clothes (i.e elasticated waist jeans - trendy, not granny, I assure you!) as I'm already having tight clothing issues even though it's bloat and fat not baby (given the amount I'm eating!) and Mr Waiting treated himself to some things too. Then it was baby's turn! Mr Waiting bought me a charm for my Pandora bracelet to mark the occasion. We went for a little giraffe as we are fond of them and have a lot of giraffe things that will be in baby's room.  Then we went to Mothercare and got a beautiful blanket for Stanley.

Yes, Stanley.  For some reason we always call the baby Stanley.  Poor little Lucy, if she is a Lucy, being called Stanley all the way through! In front of others though we will refer to him as "the baby" as we won't be revealing our names til the birth.





So, that's today's update.  What an update!