12 weeks

Yes! We have made it to twelve weeks!

This last week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions.  Last Friday, the day after I last posted, I had a tiny amount of red spotting.  It really was minute - the size of a freckle.  But it freaked me out and I went into a frenzy.  I couldn't stop panicking.  I was also suffering from mild cramping.  I rang the maternity assessment unit and they booked me in for a scan on the Monday, three days away.  I still couldn't stop panicking and so in the evening after lots of tears and no appetite we decided to book a private scan for the next afternoon.

We went to the business park in Stockton and pulled up nervously to the building.  We went in and sat in a small waiting area.  Shortly afterwards a couple came out and the woman was heavily pregnant and they were talking about their little girl and their 4D scan.  I felt awful. I just wanted them to stop talking as I was so worried we'd never get there.

Eventually we went in and there was a large plasma screen pointing towards the bed.  I closed my eyes because I felt like I didn't want to know just yet if it was bad news.  However, I quickly had a peek and saw something big on the screen which made me think there WAS a baby in there.  Soon enough the sonographer said "You better open your eyes if you want to see your baby!".  I already had my eyes open and there it was on the screen.  Amazing.  Unbelievably amazing.  I asked if it's heart was beating as I couldn't see it.  But she pointed it out. A pea-sized flickering on the screen.  I expected the heart to be bigger as last time it was as big as half of the body but obviously the baby has grown lots! Baby stretched and arched its back and then rolled over away from the camera.  It was amazing.

The sonographer took lots of pictures for us and family and friends. It was amazing.  Afterwards we were on cloud nine.  We went shopping and bought the baby Each Peach Pear Plum as it was my favourite book as a child.  Later on Mr Waiting read the story to my tummy (even though  baby doesn't yet have ears that can hear!).  It's so amazing.  We are actually having a baby.

We kept the scan to ourselves until I told some people on Sunday.  It was nice just for us to know, for once, that everything was ok. Our little secret.  Our little baby.  He/she measured 5.05cm and 11 weeks 5 days.  It looks like he/she is sucking their thumb!

On Monday we went for our hospital scan.  We didn't really dare say that we'd already seen the baby.  She quickly showed our baby, the heart beating.  She saw him (we don't like calling him 'it') move his arm but otherwise he was asleep.  She tried to get me to wake  him up by shaking my hips but he wasn't having any of it! We went back to work for the first training day and it was time to go public! Gradually we told a few people and it was lovely.  I was wearing a tighter top and I got a few knowing looks from people and it was so lovely not to have to hide away!

Tuesday was the first day back in school for the kids.  I deliberately wore baggy clothes as I didn't feel ready to tell them yet.  Despite this I overhead some of my form group whispering and I am pretty sure that they were speculating on my tummy as it is quite rounded nowadays compared to previously.  School has been really hard work.  On Tuesday night I went to bed early and was aching all over.  I am clearly not up to standing up for so long after ten weeks off!

Thursday came, my day off this year.  I had to go to the hospital for my official 12 week scan and Nuchal Translucency test for Down's Syndrome.  I went alone as Mr Waiting had already seen baby this week and we thought it best that he didn't ask for time off for work again. The scan was delayed a little and I was the only person in the waiting room that was alone! When I went into the scan room it was very quick before I saw baby again.  And he is sooo cute! He measured 12 weeks 4 days and measured 62mm! When I first saw him he was upside down! Then he moved and he didn't stop! He kicked his umbilical cord out of the way and I saw it ripple.  I also saw the pulse of my heartbeat pumping blood through the umbilical cord.  The sonographer said that my placenta (which is at the back) has taken over now and I am out of the danger zone and into the safe zone. It really was a wonderful thing to see.  I also saw baby from the front and his little skull - it was a little bit scary looking though!

I still can't believe this.  I am going to be a mummy.  I never thought it would happen but it is and it's amazing and surreal all at the same time.  A miracle.  I pinch myself every ten minutes and am always realising and having bouts of excitement.  The panic has mostly gone and I am relieved.  I still have my moments but for the most part I am relaxed and happy.  I never thought I would be! I think it's come from it being public knowledge and having announced it publicly, and on facebook too - it makes it seem all the more real. Yesterday I bought some maternity jeans and they are soo comfy! I envisage that I will live in them!

On Friday at work some students asked Mr Waiting if I am pregnant and he said "yes" so now I am going to tell my form group on Monday before they find out off others.  I am really nervous about telling them - I am going to be leaving before they do and after five years that will be hard!

Six months ago we had our IVF information session at the hospital.  Six months to go.  My due date it the 21st March 2012.  

Egg Collection is booked!

It is possible that Stanley and Lucy will be created on Monday! We're going for Egg Collection at 9am and have to be at the hospital at 8:15am.  This means an early start as we will have to do the journey in rush hour and it's already a half-hour drive away. I've been given instructions for my hCG 'trigger' injection and must do it at 9pm tomorrow night.  That will be my last injection for this cycle.  In fact, it could be my last injection ever.  I have just done the last menopur and buserelin and realised that I have become quite good at getting the injections prepared and done. I feel like some kind of IVF expert in some ways.

Today I had my follicle scan (my third date with dildo-cam) and I knew I was going to have lots of follicles based on my baseline scan and how 'full' I've been feeling.  I wasn't prepared for just how many follicles I have though. Here are the details:

The nurse said that the follicles need to be over 16mm for egg collection and I already have 11 over 16mm.  I have read that follicles grow between 1-2mm per day and I still have the weekend and tonight's dose of menopur now flowing through my system so it could be at least 15 eggs if the 15.5/15mm follicles catch up, and maybe even more if all those 14mm ones catch up.  This is really good news! Those eggs could make 15 embryos!

The scan itself was really uncomfortable and I could feel pressure being put on my ovaries which definitely wasn't there last week when I had the baseline scan.  Again, I knew what to do this time.  I managed to cover my dignity by holding the sheet and maneuvering my bum onto the bum-shaped cushion and I didn't even flinch when the probe probed.  I'm now becoming an expert in dildo-cam too.

Now I am nervous for Monday.  I am also a little disappointed because we won't be able to have blastocyst culture. Blastocyst culture is after 5 days' growth in the petri-dish and it can mean a higher success rate because only the top embryos survive until day 5, which is beneficial if you have a lot of embryos to choose from like we might.  I'm hoping though that our two-day embryos will be good and strong though.  That they will be Stanley and Lucy.  Potentially we will have two embryos put back since we are not going for blastocyst so Stanley and Lucy may yet arrive at the same time.

I still can't imagine what getting a positive result would be like.  Do people like us get positive results? It's all I dream about. We are so ready to move on to the next stage in our lives.  At the moment it feels like everything is whizzing by and just leaving us to it.  I don't want life to whiz by too fast but I do want to be on the road rather than at the service station of doom.

With the hard bit yet to come it is difficult to say how I've found this first ICSI cycle.  I would say though, despite the side effects, it has been easier than I thought.  I have put ICSI and myself first and I have lounged around most of the time resting up.  I have tried to eat healthily but have not gone overboard (hence why Mr Waiting is on his way back from collecting our dinner of an Indian takeaway!).  I have even tried to take it easy at work, not that this is very doable in a secondary school.  That's got me thinking.  Most likely, the next time I go back to work I'm likely to be PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) as they say in infertility circles.

At work the students noticed my bruises from the blood tests.  They are pretty spectacular - even the phlebotonist was surprised! So it was a case of "Miss! What've you done to your arm?!".  I simply replied that I'd had a blood test though I did feel like inventing some curious story (and even drug addiction at one point....!) but decided that the truth was better.  Thankfully they left it at that without any further questions and instead compared their bruises from cricket and drunken antics no-doubt to my bruise.  Surprisingly I didn't have the biggest one.

And Mr Waiting is back with the curry so of course I'm going to leave you.