Third Trimester!

I feel like I am neglecting this blog! I honestly thought I would post weekly throughout my pregnancy but I guess things just get in the way and I end up too busy or not feeling up to it for whatever reason.  So, apologies if you keep checking for updates and finding it still the same!

I'll do an update for each week so far since I last posted!

24 weeks - baby is viable.

We celebrated by going baby shopping! We bought a few things for bathing the baby - a bath seat/rest etc. We also bought the snowman book and little toy.  Daddy read the bump the story book and cried at the snowman melting (as he did when he was a child too at the film!).

People have been commenting that my bump is small/isn't growing.  And of course this has got me worried.  

25 weeks

After people saying I was small last week, the day I took this picture I felt much bigger.  Even the school kids noticed and one went to touch my bump.  I also went to the midwife and measured perfectly at 25.5cm at 25+1.  If I continue to grow at this rate then I will be predicted an 8lb baby as I'm just above the 50th Centile.  I am so happy that I am normal sized.  I was beginning to get worried.

We also went to a private antenatal class that I'd won in a competition.  It was brilliant! There were two other couples and one couple are our friends who are 10 days ahead of us. It was a really good day and Mr Waiting wore the 'empathy belly' for a couple of hours! I definitely feel more prepared and knowledgeable now.  Seeing a model cervix at 10cm was worrying though! I also started to think more about labour and panic a bit more about that. As you can see my anxiety is not any better.

26 weeks
This week I had my counselling appointment and assessment.  It was really hard explaining why I was so anxious and upset about things to do with my pregnancy.  I realised that I do a lot of visualising of horrible things, things about giving birth early, about the baby dying etc, and even about Mr Waiting being involved in some kind of horrific accident.  I follow these images through with thoughts about what I would do in that situation and even go as far as planning funerals in my head.  It is very distressing.  As a result, the counsellor is going to start working with me immediately and I have had another appointment this week too, which I will write about in a moment.

We broke up for Christmas from school this week.  I have had a bout of sickness that Mr Waiting also had and it wore me out for a day or two, typically when I was trying to do some Christmas shopping.  Breaking up was exciting and stressful.  I felt and still feel like I have so much to do at home as well as at work (indeed I have brought home a big bag for life full of marking and I have no idea when I'm going to get all of it done!).

I didn't take a bump picture this week but here is a picture of our special bauble for the tree which we decorated last week:

We wanted to mark Stanley or Lucy's first Christmas in the world this year, even if they are still not born.  We  have also bought some Christmas presents for him/her.  We bought him three books and I bought him a little natural hair brush because I'm convinced he'll be born with hair if he's anything like mummy and daddy for hairiness! And I've wrapped it addressed for daddy to open because I've also bought daddy a brush that's the same but massive - it's a back brush.  Daddy has really bad eczema and gets itchy so a back brush is very useful.  He does worry that Stanley/Lucy will inherit his eczema and I know he will be quite upset if he/she does develop, although clearly it's not his fault.

27 weeks - THIRD TRIMESTER!
Unbelievable that I am in third trimester. I cannot believe it. Honestly, me, third trimester.  Stanley/Lucy is very very active quite often, to the point I do not worry about him/her as much.  Now my worries have been focussed on he/she not crying when he/she's born.  I want to hear that cry so much, to know he's ok.  I have also had stronger urges to know if he is a he or a she! I think partly because if anything happens I will want to know whether it's a Stanley or a Lucy.

The further on I get the more my worries change.  Things trigger my thoughts.  Just today as we drove past the cemetery I spotted (again) the baby graves in one corner.  My thoughts spiraled from there.  What if Stanley doesn't cry and is dead when he is? What if I have to plan the funeral? I thought of the songs I'd choose, the colour of the coffin, where I'd want it to be.  It's awful.  I don't just do this with Stanley, I've also done it for Mr Waiting if he's late back from somewhere. I end up torturing myself with these thoughts and anxieties.  Hopefully the counselling is going to help as today he gave me exercises to work through some of my issues and thoughts - there's a whole section in the booklet about "What if..." questions!

I am also worried that my worries won't stop after he is here.  Will I miss out on the best time of his and my life because my worries control so much of me? I feel like I am not enjoying pregnancy as I should be.  There are many moments that I feel really happy and really excited but typically I do not focus on these.

Here's a 3rd Trimester bump picture:

My belly button has gone flat now and is starting to pop out.  I feel so much movement - I can tell he is getting bigger and running out of room. I feel it really high up now too, just under my ribs.  I love feeling him move even though it is a little freaky! I still can't get used to it.  I'm looking forward to seeing my sister later as she hasn't seen me since 22/23 weeks I think so she is bound to think I am much bigger and I'm hoping that the baby kicks for her.  My dad still hasn't felt him move! I hope he does over Christmas.

I often see things poking out and my tummy jumping about. I also have felt a full rotation! I have no idea which way is which though, as in what's head and what's feet! I am looking forward to the midwife being able to tell which way he/she is laying at the next appointment in early January. I have 3 weekly appointments now, and soon it'll be one every two weeks. This only means one thing - that I'm getting closer to the end! I have 91 days until my due date today.  Oh my goodness, this is really happening!

I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year. It was so hard last year, being infertile, not knowing about the future, reliving mum's last moments and first anniversary of her death.  This year I am more focussed on Christmas, on things that are going to happen in the future and I am looking forward, despite my anxieties.  On Friday everyone is doing a Christmas walk for mum's favourite charity (the Holisitic Care centre that she went to for treatments when she was poorly).  We will decorate a tree for mum.

Next year, Christmas will be so different - we will have Stanley/Lucy and it will be their first Christmas.  It will be fantastic, I am sure of it.  They are going to be so spoiled by everyone.  I can't wait.

Daddy has been busy working on the nursery since we have broken up from school.  This is what the room looked like before:

And this is the first stage: clearing it out!

This is the room after the yellow paint (Lemon Ice) was done yesterday:

It actually looks brighter than it is. It's much better taking a photo in proper daylight, so I will try to do that this week.  Daddy has finished the skirting boards, frames and window sill today.  He has also taken up the old carpet and we have ordered a new one which will be fitted on the 5th January - the same day the furniture is getting delivered.  I am so excited about this.  It will start taking shape and we can start to put things together and accessorise the room.

I'm sure there will be more pictures to follow soon.  I'll be sure to do an update in January some time. 

Over half way now!

I am currently 21 weeks and 5 days pregnant! 54% cooked! We reached a milestone on the 8th November.  It was 134 days since Stanley or Lucy was made in the petri dish and there were 134 days to go until baby's due date. We are well over half way now!

On the 2nd of November we had our 20 week scan.  I was very nervous beforehand, though not as nervous as for the 8 and 11 week scans that we had.  I was also desperate for the toilet as we had got stuck in traffic and were a bit late so our appointment was shifted backwards a bit!

The scan was an amazing experience.  Once we knew that everything was ok we were so happy to just sit (lay!) and stare at our baby, our Stanley or our Lucy.  No, we didn't find out which it is! We almost caved in to temptation on the drive to the hospital but we managed to hold out and not find out.  I am thinking that baby is a girl now but I really have no idea why!

The scan was beautiful.  Baby yawned three times and it was the cutest little yawn that I have ever seen.  We saw fingers, toes, everything.  And it all measured perfectly.  His or her little femurs were only 3cm long - that is so unbelievably small and cute! The baby moved constantly and kept getting out of position for the sonographer.

After the scan we went and had breakfast in the hospital cafe before going back to work. I really didn't want to go back afterwards!

Here is my 20 week bump photo:

Facts about baby at 20 weeks:

• About 26cm long from crown to heel
• Swallowing amniotic fluid
• Covered in white vernix - a waxy substance protecting baby's skin 
• Baby now weighs about 11 oz

21 week bump shot: 

This last week has been a bit difficult.  Children in the school where I teach have been diagnosed with slapped cheek and as I don't know if I am immune to it I am having my blood tested.  Whilst this is happening the hospital midwives have advised that I stay away from school.  I thought that the results would be back today but they are not going to be ready for a couple of days now apparently.  Whilst I can relish this bonus time off, it's actually really stressful.  I am concerned I am not immune and have caught the virus for one thing.  Another thing is that work is a very stressful time at the moment and I need to be there to do my job.  But, the bottom line is that my baby is more important and really precious, perhaps extra precious because he/she is an ICSI Pixie.  So, until we know my immunity I am stuck away from school, trying to do some work.  I did also make a start on clearing the nursery room today.  

This weekend we also made an excitingly large purchase: our nursery furniture.  This is what we have gone for.  The cot is a cot-bed so will last until the baby is a toddler.  I love it.  We wanted white and the baskets are so useful, particularly underneath the changing table.  We will get the change mat to match at a later stage.  We have sheets and blankets already and Mr Waiting's mum is making us some curtains and bunting to go around the room.  Things really are progressing! 

At the same time I struggle to accept that this is real, that this is actually happening to us.  I am scared quite often.  When the baby doesn't kick for a while it worries me a lot and I am constantly worried and wanting to get to the next stage.  This time it is 24 weeks, or viability.  That is only just over two weeks away.  I can't imagine getting bigger even though I am every day.  I can't imagine giving birth and holding my slimy, sloppy baby in my arms, crying tears of joy.  I feel like I am wishing away my pregnancy in many ways, wanting to get to 'safer' points, being all too aware that things can go wrong.  I shouldn't be wishing away my pregnancy - it may be the only one I ever experience.  However, I actually feel very strongly at the moment that it won't be my last.  I am worried it might be but at the same time I can't see us just accepting it and feel like we will try again in future, both naturally and assisted.  I just hope everything goes well and we are blessed with a healthy, happy baby at the end of all this.

I am forever in awe at my body changing, at the movement I feel.  I try to imagine little feet and hands making those prods but it is so hard! I am excited and nervous all at the same time.  I cannot believe that this is happening to me still.  We are so lucky to be able to experience this.  It is a shame that others don't necessarily realise how lucky they are in experiencing pregnancy.  There are so many people out there who long for it, who haven't yet been lucky.  I'm sure many take it for granted.  

In some ways it is nice to be treated as a 'normal' pregnant woman.  But in other ways I feel like I am 'special' , that we should be treated as such.  As for my family, well, we definitely fall into the special category.  My sister is so excited (although I'm sure a little jealous now actually!), my dad is so happy and will be an amazing grandad, Grandma has been knitting away and presents have already been bought for the baby by my cousin. It is so lovely and special and my whole family are involved in ways I never thought possible.  Dad is buying us a pram, grandma a cot (or other things since we have the cot!), and mum's cousin the moses basket.  People want to be a part of this baby's life and that is amazing.  I feel so lucky to have these people around us.  It is a shame that there are those who I thought would rally round but instead have been distant.  I say I thought that they would, I think that deep down I knew that they wouldn't, which is sad.  But, I have to concentrate on the baby, on the family that are around us all, are just as interested and excited as us and who love and care for us all endlessly.  

Tomorrow would've been my Grandad Peter's birthday.  He'd have been 85.  He died in 2008.  It makes me sad that he isn't around (like mum) to see all of the amazing things that are happening. I know he would've spoiled the baby and us rotten, and would have ruffled its hair and said "You're loved aren't ya?".  We are thinking of calling Stanley 'Stanley Peter' after him.  The only slight issue is that Stanley and Peter both have two syllables, as does our surname, which may make it sound a bit awkward.  For Lucy we are thinking, Evelyn, Emilia, Matilda - with Matilda being Mr Waiting's favourite. But there are loads of lovely names out there to choose from! Thankfully we still have lots of time and have already decided our baby's first name, whether it be a boy or a girl! 

Hopefully I won't leave it as long before my next update! 22 weeks on Wednesday, time is flying in some ways and going so so slowly in others.  128 days to go!

Late October update!

You may remember this post that I made in April this year, the key words being:

"When I turn 28

Things are gonna be great"..

And, do you know what? They might just be! I turned 28 this week and although I am very quickly approaching 30, I am actually feeling happy about where I am in my life now. I never thought that this would be possible a year ago. I didn't think that I could ever be where I am now: expecting our first baby. I am still in shock and still unbelievably amazed 19 weeks on.  The world feels like a wonderful place at the moment.  

Mr Waiting made my birthday extra special by giving me a card addressed to "mummy".  On the front it says "Mummy, I know I am only little but I love you very much".  I am not ashamed to admit it - I cried.

A birthday card.  To mummy.  For me.  How wonderfully surreal.  

So, here's an update on recent weeks.  The last time I posted I was just over 16 weeks pregnant.  That was three weeks ago and I have had a lovely and exciting three weeks since then. 

16 weeks: 

I am now certain that those first bubbles I felt a week or so ago were movement.  They are getting stronger and are much more definite now.  I am also developing a linea nigra! 

17 weeks:

The bump is growing! I am not sure I 'enjoy' the movements I am feeling (it's all a bit surreal and freaky, and a bit alien-like!)

18 weeks:

Mummy and Daddy have felt movement from the outside now.  Baby is very active! The movements are following a pattern (when I am quiet, relaxed and usually first thing in a morning, last thing at night!).

19 weeks:

Growing more by the day! My belly button is also getting flatter.  I feel the baby move all the time, not just when I am relaxing, though I do notice it more then.  I am feeling ever so slightly nervous for my 20 week scan this week. We have decided not to find out what we are having.  The purpose of the scan is an anatomy check, not to check gender.  Furthermore, I would love Mr Waiting to be able to tell me at the birth what the baby is, or to find out myself depending on how we manage it. Equally, I would like the baby to be in neutral clothes for a while - after all, they are only newborn once!

19 week Birthday bump:

Purchases:

We have been buying bits and bobs - some body suits, a seven-piece set that was in the sale in M&S, moses basket sheets, cotbed sheets, cellular blankets, books... it's all very exciting!

So there you have it, 19 weeks and counting.  Almost half way folks!