33 weeks!

It's been a month since I updated and looking back at my last post, I have been rather busy!

To sum up:

• Midwife visits - MW says I'm still measuring 30cm, 3 weeks after I first measured 30cm.  She said that if there's no growth next time then they'll send me for a scan.  As it turns out, we already have a scan booked for 34 weeks (Wednesday) so we will have more of an idea then.  This has made me worry a bit about growth, especially given people keep saying how small I am and comparing me to other people who are close in dates but are a lot bigger! I decided to weigh myself and in five weeks now I think I've only put on an extra pound! Still, I suppose that makes up for the fact that the MW at 28 weeks said that I was putting weight on too quickly... Next time (15th February) I'll be 35 weeks (even though it's a 34 week appointment) and we are discussing my birth plan! Best have a think about that then!
• Work - Work is stressful to say the least. I have 13 days working left all told (2 are half days due to aquanatal classes).  It's stressful because I have so much to do before I leave! I feel that once I leave my life will be so much easier.  I know I will breathe a big sigh of relief! 
• Friends - I'm loving the friendships (well, one really) that are blossoming at the moment.  My friend who is due just before me is wonderful and we're becoming good friends.  I really hope that our friendship continues to blossom as our children will.  
• Family - my family are great.  Really really great.  There's no way we'd have got through the last two years without them.  As time goes on I am really missing my mum.  There's so much I want to ask her, so much I need her for. But dad is amazing and has surprised me by knowing so much about mum's pregnancy with me and my sister. He has helped Mr Waiting put up the furniture, bought us the pram and has just been wonderful and understanding.  My sister is so excited and it's so nice that she is.  She really can't wait to be Auntie and I can't wait either. 
• The nursery - The nursery etc. is pretty much ready to go! We had an incident with the cat in the moses basket a couple of weeks ago and it made me go all neurotic mother! We now have the wardrobe and everything is coming together nicely. I will have to take some pictures! The only things remaining are some decorative items - bunting and curtains (which are being made by the MIL as we speak) and some wall art, which I may have to attempt myself... we'll see!
• Mr Waiting - has been an absolute God-send.  He is amazing and wonderful.  There's no way on earth I'd have got through pregnancy (the emotional and physical side) without his help.  He is my rock.  Stanley means 'stoney meadow', Peter (which we have decided will be his middle name) means 'rock' and our surname apparently also means stone/rock! So I really hope that if Stanley is a Stanley and not  a Lucy that he, too, will be someone's rock one day.  Incidentally, we have decided on Lucy Evelyn for our daughter's name. Lucy meaning 'light' and Evelyn meaning 'desired, waited for' and possibly from 'little bird'. How lovely! 
• Pregnancy health - I am suffering a little with tiredness and have been prescribed iron tablets. Unfortunately these have the bad side effects of severe constipation (aka complete and utter agony and inability to walk/bend/move) as well as black poo... Sorry for the TMI there! Other than that (and a cold!) things have been ok.  The baby moves a lot, gets hiccups all the time which is so cute! He/she keeps moving from being back to back to back to front and I can tell depending on where the hiccups are! 
• Bump photos - We wanted to have some professional bump pictures taken but we decided to let Mr Waiting have a go first! So here are the finished products (and I have to say that I am so pleased so we will no longer be getting professional ones done!).

Bump update

It's been an eventful two weeks since I last posted.  We found out that I was immune to slapped cheek which was such a relief. I ended up having a week off work in the end (which was more stressful than it sounds actually!).

During this time some other things happened which caused my pregnancy (and probably general) anxiety to reach a peak and I ended up having some panic attacks. It was pretty awful.  I went to see the GP who, although sympathetic, couldn't help much and offered me a phone number for a self-referring counselling service which I have inquired about and have an assessment appointment tomorrow.

After this, I returned to work on the Monday after being off for the week with the slapped cheek testing. About five metres onto the school site I fell over spectacularly.  Somehow I managed to turn over and land on my left side rather than my stomach, which was lucky. I was shaken and thankfully I was with Mr Waiting who was brilliant.  We went straight to the hospital (I'd phoned and asked for advice).  Once we got to the hospital I struggled to walk getting out of the car - I had shooting pains everywhere, particularly in my hips.  It was really scary.  They checked the baby's heartbeat and thankfully they found it really quickly.  It was a definite train sound this time (boy apparently!). After that I was relieved and the baby played ball and kicked mummy lots, which daddy felt too.  They gave me strong painkillers for the hip pain and I was there for about 3 hours.  The painkillers made me feel woozy so I went home and slept under the hospital's advice rather than  go back to work.

I also saw my midwife for a tearful appointment a few days later where I told her all about my worries and troubles.  She also listened to the heartbeat but couldn't find it for a minute - it felt like an absolute eternity and again I burst into tears.  After telling her of how I've been feeling, she suggested that antidepressants may be a solution but at the moment I can't contemplate putting a drug into my body that could have an effect on my tiny baby.

Talking of baby, he/she is now about 30cm long! His kicks are getting stronger and daddy feels them all the time.  I love feeling him kick but it's always a relief that he's still alive. Sounds mad doesn't it? I am constantly terrified that something will happen to him, our precious first baby. The midwife suggested that I attend aquanatal sessions so I'm just seeing about how that would all fit in with work.


There's so much more I want to write but I just can't get it out.  Maybe one day I'll feel able to say everything.  Suffice to say I'm struggling more emotionally than I'm letting on.  So I'll leave you with the most recent bump pictures.

22 weeks:

23 weeks:

Tomorrow is 24 weeks: Viability day.  We are going to celebrate with an Indian Takeaway.

A year ago today...

I wrote the following in my new year's diary on today's date.

"A year since writing this on 25/08/10 - I wonder if things have changed? Have I managed to get pregnant yet? I'm on cycle #11 now - getting towards the end. We've just started our tests.  Matthew's sperm results are in 2 days and I had my day 23 bloods done yesterday. We visited H & baby Z today.  I'd so love a baby of our own and I'm sad that it hasn't yet.  Had I not had a miscarriage I'd have been about 35 weeks pregnant now: :( I'm hoping that in a year things will be different.  Maybe I'll have or nearly have my baby?"


A year ago tomorrow I wrote on tomorrow's date "A year since the dreaded sperm results".

Well, things are undoubtedly different.  I'm now 10 weeks pregnant. I have taken a ten week pic which I will upload at some point, though it looks remarkably similar to the nine week picture!  Today I sat with four babies, a toddler and a pregnant woman and I still struggled despite being pregnant.  I don't think I have re-conditioned my brain to react differently to baby talk etc.  A few months ago I'd have had to have left the room and gone elsewhere. Today I sat quietly taking it all in a knowing my not-so-secret secret.

I saw the midwife this week.  I got my famous blue bag with my maternity notes in! The midwife seems nice. She's already referring me to the physio for my hips as they've been getting progressively worse so I'm pleased about that.  She took my medical history and it took ages - a huge booklet to fill in! She also did bloods, urine, blood pressure and tested my carbon monoxide levels on my breath.  I see her again at 16 weeks so on the 11th of October.  She said I will hear about the 12 week scan in a week and a half or so.

Seeing the midwife made it very real all of a sudden.  Who'd have thought it a year ago! I still can't believe it!
I'm still so anxious though, it doesn't feel real most of the time! I went to work today for GCSE results day.  I ended up really upset because I got congratulated by someone who I hadn't told I was pregnant.  It turns out she knows from someone who got told by someone else I work with... It's really annoying because it feels like  I don't get to tell anyone my own news.  My maternity leave has been discussed and everything - by two people who I haven't told myself.  After so long with everyone knowing everything about what I'm going through I just wanted to keep things a bit private but clearly it wasn't meant to be.

On a good note, my students did so well in their exams and I'm so so pleased and impressed and proud.  It's made me feel good.  Despite everything I did a good job.

It would have also been my mum's 55th birthday this weekend (the 21st).  I was really sad for most of the day.  She would've made an amazing grandma.  I've decided that nearer the time I will create a small scrap book for the baby of all the family or maybe just of mum so that the baby can really get to know her.

I have been suffering from headaches for the last three days. It's been really quite bad.  Aside from that I've had a few nausea episodes including during the middle of tea tonight! The chicken seemed to taste strong and it wasn't good! I've also still bad a few tummy troubles and am bloated as per the picture last week.  I can't wait for the next scan.  Maybe then I'll finally believe it's happening to us, that there's really a baby, that I'm really going to become a mummy.  A mummy.  ME!